It all starts here

I am alone. Alone in my house tonight but also, as I have discovered through a tumultuous year and a half of self discovery, alone in the world. You may already have been aware of the fact that we come into this life by ourselves, live it by ourselves and exit that way as well, but I was not and it was and still is a painful reality to come to terms with. The existentials among you may laugh at my naivete, but I subconsciously clung to all those around me throughout my life in hopes of never feeling the void I feel now. I can no longer out run the inevitable. I must confess, however, I brought this on myself through a series of choices and perhaps some that the universe made. I decided my marriage was not working. I decided I couldn't live in this virtual world of security I had created with my husband because it wasn't being authentic to who I am and in return it wasn't in the least bit fair to him. On occasion this new found awareness feels freeing, but right now at this moment as the rain taps its relentless finger against my window I feel... sadness. A deep almost unbearable sadness because I don't know what direction my life is going. I don't know what the next move is. I am experiencing a groundlessness I never imagined possible. So here I am in this little, sleepy coastal town finishing a divorce, fixing up a house that needs too much fixing, struggling with a career I'm not sure of and trying to decide which way to turn. I truly had no idea this would be my life, but I suppose we never do. So sets the scene. What's next you ask? A great adventure of course.